The SaPhyre Lounge

The Ultimate Love

2007-07-11T07:25:00.000-05:00

Removed by author

(c) Blu Jewel 2007

untitled

2007-06-28T07:35:00.000-05:00

Removed by author

(c) Blu Jewel 2007

fooled by a smile

2007-06-23T13:11:00.000-05:00

Removed by author

(c) Blu Jewel 2007

Poetry Tag

2007-06-19T16:05:00.000-05:00

I was tagged by Urban Butterfly

The object is to add lines to the poem based upon what the picture inspires you to write. One lineshould carry over from the preceding line. When you're done, tag one person! Enjoy! (My lines are in BOLD, ITALICS)

The world waited outside for us

Waited

With moist grass beneath our feet

Cloaked with years of silent preparation

Silence procrastinates with the wind

The mystery of hope pours across the skin

Stretched tightly over our twisting limbs

Like the thatch that shelters us

From the wayward pummel of torrential rain

Giving deeper meaning to immaculate sun rays

Standing tall, erect, and proud in spite of

My outward appearance; my beauty lies within

I tag The Soujourner

a gift for the future

2007-05-24T07:50:00.000-05:00

Removed by author

(c) Blu Jewel 2007

my new lover

2007-05-19T21:29:00.000-05:00

His subtle whisper calls me
Memory of our serendipitous meeting
Arouses me and recollection
Of his warmth
Course my veins like a narcotic
Leaving me engulfed in
A euphoric state
Falling carelessly into
His bed of granular softness
My new found lover
Seduces me effortlessly
And I relinquished myself
Shamelessly though I’m not
His first or his last
Though I’d prefer him
To be surreptitiously mine
He'll never concede
But like a moth to a flame
I’ll go to him again and again
I miss you my lover
I miss you Negril

© BluJewel 2007

And so it began...

2007-05-01T11:34:00.001-05:00

Removed by author

© BluJewel 2007

what is love anyway?

2007-04-18T11:43:00.000-05:00

As I bury myself in the warmth of love’s cold shoulder
I remember the old adage; it’s better to have love and lost
See it’s funny to me cause we’re constantly seeking
Something we cant necessarily hold as tangible
Love is a transitory emotion and ‘in’ is in front of it
For that very reason; we’re just too blind to see it
I reminisce on the highs and lows and ponder the “what if”
It’s a joke to me really cause I know my vision is short
And instead of looking for what is right in front of me
I guess I should embrace those I hold dear
And know that love is with me all-day; everyday

© Blu Jewel 2007

My Father’s Hands

2007-03-26T13:48:00.000-05:00

Removed by author

Blu Jewel © 2007

CoNfLiCtEd

2007-02-20T11:41:00.000-05:00

Tiny places
house monumental
emotions
carefuly guarded
from premature
exposure
to temptations
call
that would
cause
the emination
of carnal
desire
for lust
not loves
sake
thoroughly compromising
the celibacy
of earths
core

© Blu Jewel 2007

if...

2007-02-09T22:41:00.000-05:00

if you want a chance
to get me in bed
you have to make love
not to my body
but instead to my head

(c) BluJewel 2007

YeArNiNg

2007-02-01T16:24:00.000-05:00

You have been drawn
to my fountain
to drink of my waters
and quench your thirst
you bathed in my pool
floated into ecstasy

come back again soon

Verbal Foreplay

2007-01-29T16:08:00.000-05:00

With compliments like foreplay and his ejaculation of adjectives, I couldn’t help but yield and give way to the river flowing through my hidden canal. How could I say I was a victim to he? When all that I am is a part of he and he and I become we? I flowed like a river holding his boat steadfast and strong, knowing this moment would last all night long. Every word spoken was fluid and sweet, forcing my current to increase taking him deeper. Spilling his vernacular to slay and maim my conscious into blissful captivity. Nature rose and my body froze into molten flesh creating an instant tattoo. There was no denying that still waters ran deep.

© Blu Jewel 2007

Lust

2007-01-17T12:46:00.000-05:00

Removed by author

(c) BluJewel 2007

uNtItLeD

2007-01-08T11:57:00.000-05:00

Removed by author

(c) Blu Jewel 2007

As I bloom

2007-01-03T11:58:00.000-05:00

"A rose only becomes beautiful and blesses others when it opens up and blooms. Its greatest tragedy is to stay in a tight-closed bud, never fullfilling its potential." - Dale Galloway

Removed by author

(c) BluJewel 2007

This poem came from absolutely nowhere. It simply entered my mind after I read the quote, which kind of reminded me how I felt about initially sharing my poems/stories with people. I've come a long way in a short time.

His love's divine

2007-01-02T10:56:00.000-05:00

And the voice said...

"embrace me with
...unwavering comittment
...faith never ceasing
...unrelenting desire
...love abounding
...eyes wide open
...ears ready to hear
...understanding and compassion"

and I will fulfil your dreams if you only believe"

(c) BluJewel 2007

Welcome 2007

2007-01-01T00:02:00.001-05:00

I'm back and filled with an energy that will meet and exceed the goals I've set for myself. I welcome you all back to The SaPhyre Lounge.

lYrIcAlLy SpEaKiNg PaRt 2

2006-12-21T11:30:00.000-05:00

The following are excerpts from songs that move me:

"This just might hurt a little
love hurts sometimes when you do it right
Don't be affraid of a little bit of pain
pleasure is just on the other side"
-Save Room by John Legend

"A waltz when she walks in the room
She pulls back the hair from her face
She turns to the window to sway in the moonlight
Even her shadow has grace
A waltz for the girl out of reach
She lifts her hands up to the sky
She moves with the music
The song is her lover
The melody's making her cry
So she dances
In and out of the crowd like a glance
This romance is
From afar calling me silently"
-So She Dances by Josh Groban

"Don't give up
It's just the weight of the world
When your heart's heavy I
I will lift it for you "
-You Are Loved (Don't Give Up) by Josh Groban

"You've got this look I can't describe
You make me feel I'm alive
When everything else is a fake
Without a doubt you're by my side
Heaven has been way too long
Can't find the words to write this song"
- Like A Star by Corrine Bailey Rae

"Cause you can't jump the track
We're like cars on a cable and life's like an hourglass glued to the table,
No one can find the rewind button girl
So just cradle your head in your hands.
And breathe, just breathe, whoa breathe just breathe"
- Breathe (2:00 am) by Anna Nalick

"My life's a twisting roller coaster on the run
I get no warning when the bad turns are gonna come
It's a journey with no certainty
so I'll make my peace with whatever will be
That's how life goes
That's how it goes

So you live and you learn to let go
That's how life goes
That's how it goes
So in good and in bad you let go
That's how it goes

I could wonder what my life might have been
had I chosen to float down the other stream
Though some days felt like a slap in the face
there is nothing in my past I'd erase
The good days are enough to keep me strong
So I'll make my peace with whatever may come
That's how life goes...

I will let go of the dark thoughts that were ruling me
I will let go of my worries
I will live by the dreams that have been driving me
I'll try to be the best I can be"
-That's How Life Goes by Janita

"What you do is crazy babe
Not like you belong in an asylum
Crazy babe,
Like the sun in the morning
And the moon at night
Like the rain falling from the sky
Like the trees growing from the ground
I'm astounded babe
By your love for me
And your touching me
And your trust in me"
- Not Like Crazy by Jill Scott

"I remember the very first day that I saw him
I found myself immediately intrigued by him
It's almost like I knew this man from another life
Like back then maybe I was his husband maybe he was my wife
And even,things I don't like about him are fine with me
Cause it's not hard for me to understand him cause he's so much like me
And it's truly my pleasure to share his company
And I know that it's God's gift to breathe
The air he breathes"
- The Truth by India Arie.

LiBeRaTiOn

2006-12-18T11:12:00.000-05:00

Removed by author

(c)Blu Jewel 2006

The Taste

2006-12-15T08:44:00.000-05:00

He pulled it out and made the offer: "Do you wannit?"

She looked at it nervously: "No!"

He waved it in front of her suggestively: "Sure?"

Her eyes followed and her mouth opened in imagination: "Yes...no...yes"

He held it steady very close to her mouth: "Sure you're sure? You look like you wannit"

She stared at it; contemplated; and quivered: "I shouldn't....I can't...Yea...no"

He tapped her lip with it: "Last chance"

She licked her lips: I told you I had to stop"

He tapped her lips again: "Consider this the last time"

Unable to resist: "Fuck it! Yeah, give it to me."

And she lit up the joint and inhaled the insidious smoke deep into her lungs.

I bet you were thinking this piece was about sex didn't ya? Gutter minds...lol!

A Guest Author Who Desires to Remain Anonymous

2006-12-13T15:49:00.000-05:00

I received an email from a friend who trusts me enough to share some very deep and personal thoughts. Save for one other person, I'm the only one who knows the intricacies of her feelings. Some of her email has been edited; however, per our conversation, she allowed me to reveal certain parts of it.

"I've been reading your work at the Lounge lately. Tonight, I dumped a raw emotion into my personal journal about a man I met, and thought of the Saphyre Lounge. My sweet Blu, this man may not be the one... or even end up "my man"... but he's sure of the position he wants in my life... andI know I'm drawn to him...Please consider including this in the Lounge as writing from "A Guest AuthorWho Desires to Remain Anonymous."

I've decided to fulfill her request as I think others could relate and possibly benefit from her experience.

I dedicate it to the first deep "comeback" attraction for divorced women...

His voice causes my body to betray me.
When he says my name and calls me lovely,
my dreams complete a circle ofintimacy.
When he speaks of spending time with me,
my heart leaps at the chance that
raw desire can follow healing after a divorce.
But his assessment of me reveals the fear
locked in my mind when he pauses to call me "Gypsy."

**The Betrayal**
My entire being knows and believes the necessity of celibacy.
God's plan for man and woman is perfect is design.
But his voice is like a presence that occupies the warm air around my body.
The experience is like sweet lovemaking.
I'm afraid to meet him beyond the telephone...
afraid he'll discern thedeeper temptations.
Our first two meetings were enough for now.

**The Dreams**
Before I sleep, I smile at the way he vibes my name.
My name has never sounded that way before.
My dreams are full-color experiences of sexual intimacy.
I awaken with full knowing
that his attention whispers to what is "woman"inside of me.

**My Leaping Heart**
I am annoyed that he interrupted the solitude of my single life...
remindingme that I'm not just a daughter, mother, or domestic robot.
The simplicity of my daily routine was broken when
the "man" of him called me to be "woman" again.
I had settled into single life after divorce
without a care forcompanionship.
My heart leaps, but my mind fights
his bittersweet reminder of the potential for love.

**Gypsy is My Name**
Unable to contain the war inside,
I tell him the truth.
"The minute I really start liking you, if that happens,
I will simply stopreturning your calls."
He pauses and declares me a Gypsy.
We laugh and go on - both with secret thoughts.
He thinks I am serious.
And I think that I may be too late
to escape the warm and sexy attraction of"him."

A White Christmas

2006-12-12T09:49:00.000-05:00

tiny specks of wetness
shapen into new form
cascading from the heavens
recoloring the early morn
received with mixed emotion
childrens delight
met with a parents forlorn
resplendent illuminations
remedy a moments doubt
embracing a tempory purity
the tender kisses of God's
creativity on earth
snowflakes on Christmas day

(c) Blu Jewel

Short Short Short Short Short Short Fiction Competition!

2006-12-05T20:02:00.000-05:00

Please go to the following link if you're interested in entering this competition short story fiction competition.

DBA Lehane is an awesome writer and has sponsored this event. I'm currently collaborating with him on a piece that will be posted on our respective sites upon completion. I'm entering this rather unusual challenge and encourage my readers to do the same.

Life

2006-12-04T14:54:00.000-05:00

Removed by author

(c) Blu Jewel 2006

Today I saw beautiful

2006-11-30T15:07:00.000-05:00

Today I saw beautiful
I understand that beauty is only skin deep
and that beauty is in the eye of the beholder
but, today I saw beautiful
I know that beautiful is applied to that which gives
the highest degree of pleasure to the senses or to the mind
and suggests that the object of delight
approximates one's conception of an ideal
but, today I saw beautiful...
and it was unpretentious and pure
it followed no societal standard or definition
today I saw beautiful
it was in a form called you
and...
while you may not believe that you’re beautiful
you’re beautiful to me so
when I tell you I saw beautiful
don’t blind my sight or strive to distort my vision
simply concede to knowing that today I saw beautiful and smile

(c) Blu Jewel 2006

just something i thought up

2006-11-28T09:05:00.000-05:00

words are powerful weapons when formed and used for the betterment of mankind and not as weapons of mass destruction. what you say can be more damaging than what you do.

(c) Blu Jewel 2006

simple poem

2006-11-27T12:59:00.000-05:00

To be with you is like a late summer rain to the world,
the beginning of colors and romantic gestures,
walks in the park to see the gift of you.
Moments that are captured with soft touches,
and kisses of remembrance,
remembering time,
time when the moment was captured

(c) Blu Jewel 2006

Quote #4

2006-11-22T13:36:00.000-05:00

Happy Thanksgiving everyone!

For each new morning with its light,
For rest and shelter of the night,
For health and food,
For love and friends,
For everything Thy goodness sends.

- Ralph Waldo Emerson

I "stole" this from Terry over at The Cheap Seats. He's more than worth checking out.

Thankful and Happy

2006-11-21T08:17:00.000-05:00

God will heal us and restore us laughter can bring health and healing

"A cheerful heart is good medicine, but a broken spirit saps a person's strength. "
Proverbs 17:22 NLT

You can choose how to view the world, with optimism and faith, or pessimism and doubt.

During this time of thanksgiving, may we all see past the negative, look for the positive, and do our part to make the world a brighter place. Wishing everyone a Happy Thanksgiving.

Down Low

2006-11-16T15:04:00.000-05:00

Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned
Unless it’s the pain of a woman who mourns
For not just the life of the man who died
But for the lives he crushed with all his lies
She could have dealt with him having a lover
If only it had been with a woman and not another brother
Her heart bearing the weight of a hurt so deep
All while wishing his secret he didn’t keep
If only he’d opened up and let her know
He’d been living his life on the down low
Why didn’t he protect them from all of this?
Why was he putting all their lives at risk?
Too many questions and not enough answers
Now the legacy he left is HIV and tears
He knew she had a kind and loving heart
She might have understood if he’d told her from the start
He took away her freedom and right to choose
So now she’s left with a something she can’t refuse
To live a life with fear, doubts, and regret
The lowest of all infidelities; one she’ll never forget
And as she buries the man who loved another
She cries out to all the down low brothers
If you don’t feel that what you’re doing is wrong
Stand up for sexuality, be proud, and stay strong
We know being a black man is hard in this society
But stop hiding behind excuses and set yourself free
A community that endures so much already
Doesn’t need anything else to make it unsteady
Please be open about your sexual preference
Saying your heterosexual meanwhile you’re crossing the fence
Save yourself and your partners with the truth and protection
Do something to reduce the risks and the eliminate infection
So in closing I’m putting my brothers on blast
Be honest about your present and your past
Tell us upfront and give us a choice
Give us the opportunity to have a voice
Cause HIV won’t immediately leave you dead
But the woman you infected might kill you instead

(c) Blu Jewel

Quote #3

2006-11-15T14:31:00.000-05:00

Real divorce; the divorce of heart and nerve and fiber does not exist, since there is no divorce from memory.

---Virginia Peterson

How It Went Down - The finale

2006-11-13T13:35:00.000-05:00

***DISCLAIMER - I DO NOT ADVISE THIS BEING READ AT WORK. That being said, read at your own risk.

Removed by author

(c) Blu Jewel 2006

Reality Check

2006-11-09T11:09:00.000-05:00

I'm in the process completing the teaser I posted a couple days ago seeing as there is quite a demand for it, but in the mean time I wanted to share this. It was an email I received and thought it was worth sharing. The origin in unknown so I can't give the respective credit.

To realize The value of a sister: Ask someoneWho doesn't have one

To realize The value of ten years: Ask a newlyDivorced couple.

To realize The value of four years: Ask a graduate!

To realize The value of one year: Ask a student whoHas failed a final exam.

To realize The value of nine months: Ask a mother who gave birth to a stillborn.

To realize The value of one month: Ask a motherwho has given birth toA premature baby.

To realize The value of one week: Ask an editor of a weekly newspaper.

To realize The value of one minute: Ask a personWho has missed the train, bus or plane.

To realize The value of one-second: Ask a personWho has survived an accident.

Time waits for no one.

Treasure every moment you have.

You will treasure it even more when you can share it with someone special.

To realize the value of a friend or family member : LOSE ONE.

How it went down

2006-11-07T12:53:00.000-05:00

Removed by author

(c) Blu Jewel 2006

A Shade of Blu

2006-11-01T09:47:00.000-05:00

You'll have to forgive this post as it's rather vain. Yes, I think this blog is about me...lol. Truth be told, I've always been rather photogenic, though over the years I've digressed from taking pictures as I used to. This past weekend, I had a bunch of photos taken and I decided that I'd share one of my faves with you. Here is it.

If

2006-10-31T10:02:00.000-05:00

If I had a flower for every time I thought of you
I would walk in a garden all day
If I had a cloud for every time you were away
I would be living in near darkness
If I could kiss you as often as I wanted
A thousand would still not be enough
If I would seize a moment in time to represent you
The clocks would stop forever

(c) Blu Jewel 2006

Already Miss

2006-10-30T09:06:00.000-05:00

As we broke from our embrace
I felt the warmness of you fade
And before I turned to leave
I already missed you

(c) Blu Jewel 2006

Just Listen

2006-10-25T14:30:00.000-05:00

Words in my head are filled with rage
Instead of screaming, I write them on a page
I can clear my head and say the things I feel
Free to expose the things my mouth won’t reveal

The words in voice rarely come out right
No matter how hard I practice and recite
I’d rather spill the beans in prose or verse
Instead of watered down words I had to rehearse

It’s amazing how little one hears
The words said so close to their ears
But when on paper my thoughts I express
I get immediate response to all my duress

If only people would pay attention
And listen to when I try to mention
The things that really hurt and irk me so
Then rage on paper would not need to be shown

(c) Blu Jewel 2006

Our Melody

2006-10-24T13:23:00.000-05:00

Removed by author

(c) Blu Jewel 2006

Quote #2

2006-10-18T13:17:00.000-05:00

There is no more noble occupation in the world than to assist another human being - to help someone succeed.

-- Alan Loy McGinnis

RaNdOm StOrY #2

2006-10-17T13:36:00.000-05:00

The heat rose in her body as she suppressed her need to respond. She was pushed against the wall, feeling the coldness cool her tempered cheeks. Unable to respond, she allowed her legs to be spread as she felt the hands run up and down; inside and out her legs and between her thighs. The heat in her continued to rise, but again she could do nothing. Her hands were pushed above her head and her body was felt and patted down. Not satisfied with the topical exploration, she was forced to remove her clothes and prepared for a more thorough searching. She gasped out loud as her cavities were searched probed. The heat rose to vulcanic eruptions as she felt the violation of her body.

"Get dressed!" The voice commanded as she scrambled for her clothes.

Humiliated and frustrated she dressed and sat in a hunched ball in the corner of the room.

"Get up and get out!" The voice again commanded. "We made a mistake, you're not the person we were looking for, though you fit the description."

"What?" She feebly replied in spite of her mounting anger. "You fucking frisk me and then full cavity search me and you got the wrong person?" Tears poured down her cheeks as she raced toward the officer. "Bitch!" She screamed, lunging forward.

"Get back and the fuck away from me, before I have a reason to do this all over again."

Quote

2006-10-16T12:59:00.000-05:00

"The worst walls are never the ones you find in your way.
The worst walls are the ones you put there - you build yourself.
Those are the high ones, the thick ones, the ones with no doors in.
- Ursula k. LeGuin

I came across this quote and it made me think of all those people who are guarded to a fault, who want in, but won't let you in, and for those of us who wonder why some people are the way they are.

Truth or Truth

2006-10-12T19:30:00.000-05:00

This is not your typical Truth or Dare because it's Truth or Truth; meaning you have to tell the truth regardless. I was chillin at my girl jus.b.fli's spot and she has one of my fave songs on video; Like a Star by Corrine Bailey Rae. I've listened to the song for hours without ever growing wary of it, but today the lyrics seemed to really do something to me. So, here's my Truth or Truth for you.

Listen to the song, read the lyrics and then tell me who has ever moved you like that. You can provide minimal info if you'd like, but you still have to truthfully name someone (I'll allow initials for the painfully shy) and the experience.

Like A Star Video - Corinne Bailey Rae lyrics

Corinne Bailey Rae Music Video Codes

Music Video Codes by VideoCure

Myspace Layouts

LIKE A STAR

Just like a star across my sky
Just like an angel of the page
You have appeared to my life
Feel like I'll never be the same
Just like a song in my heart
Just like oil on my hands
Only to love you

Still I wonder why it is
I don't argue like this
With anyone but you
You do it all the time
Blowing out my mind

You've got this look I can't describe
You make me feel I'm alive
When everything else is a fake
Without a doubt you're by my side
Heaven has been way too long
Can't find the words to write this song
Oh love

Still I wonder why it is
I don't argue like this
With anyone but you
You do it all the time
Blowing out my mind, yeah

Da da da da da da da
Da da da da da da da

I have come to understand the way it is
Its not a secret anymore
Cos we've been through that before
From tonight I know that you're the only one
I've been confused and in the dark
Now I understand

Oooh oooh

I wonder why it is
I don't argue like this
With anyone but you
I wonder why it is I won't let my guard down
For anyone but you
You do it all the time
Blowing out my mind

Just like a star across my sky
Just like an angel of the page
You have appeared to my life
Feel like I'll never be the same
Just like a song in my heart
Just like oil on my hands

Thoughts in motion!

2006-10-10T08:57:00.000-05:00

This poem was partly written and then after a convo with jus.b.fli based on something she shared with me, I was able to finish it...These are her feelings (some of them at least) as told by me.

Every time I see you, it’s like seeing you for the first time...I’m consumed with the same nervous, yet excited energy that makes me weak when your eyes meet mine. Your stare that burns deep into the very core of me…and leads to a hug filled with the warmth of the hottest summer’s day. And then the kiss…the kiss that drowns the desert inside my mouth…soft, delicate, and passionate. I temporarily take leave of my senses as I’m taken with the oral bliss I feel.

Each time I walk away, I know it’s only a matter of time before I return, for you are the compass that points me north, and all roads lead to you. The journey to you, is a labyrinth of gargantuan proportions that I will gladly exhaust myself with knowing that the sound of your voice will echo like wind in my ear and be my guide.

Each time I try to consider how you slayed and maimed my subconscious into being high on my loveability quotient, I realize it’s not yet time to understand, but to jump parachute free into the chaotic sensibility that your company brings. As yet to be explained, I rebuke the inner voices that doubt the realness and yield to the liberty you’ve taken in imbibing me.

Every time I wonder, I realize that I shouldn’t…I should jus.b!

(c) Blu Jewel 2006

rAnDoM pOeTiC mOmEnT #3

2006-09-28T21:11:00.000-05:00

at the water's edge
i wash away my fears
wishing for the respective tranquilty
this moment here gives
me peace of mind
as i watch
ripples trace and kiss the water
stirring from my intrusion
how easy for it to forget
for it's shape is never solid
ever flowing and ever new
i envy its life
and anger at the human form
too rigid to bend or bow
far too wanting
to ever stay still
at the rivers edge
i wash away my fears
for it's the only place
they wont come back to me

(c) blu jewel 2006

Answer to riddle

2006-09-27T19:43:00.000-05:00

When I initially came up with the riddle, TIME was the answer I was looking for. I'd just got done conversing with a coworker who was saying she didn't have time for this and that. Later as the comments came in, Love became my conflicting answer.

After careful consideration, I think LOVE is the winner...Jus. b. fli, I'll give you the $1,000 in Monopoly money. (smile)

As the song goes, "what the world needs now, is love; sweet love, it's the only thing that's there's just too little of"

Now, go into the world and start circulating some good, loving energy. And for the next week, make sure you say "I love you" to at least 3 people each day. Yes, that means even to that auntie you really don't like so much...lol!

Riddle

2006-09-25T09:59:00.000-05:00

What do people complain the most about not having, yet waste so much of it?

Memories

2006-09-25T09:34:00.000-05:00

Physical scars heal
While emotional ones linger
Reminding us of a time
Left unfulfilled

(c) Blu Jewel 2006

As I Am

2006-09-19T08:42:00.000-05:00

Broken with scars unseen
Smiles that hide tears within
Giving and not always able to receive
Love when it’s pain I feel

Flawed instead of perfect
Carefree when I should be guarded
Consumed by gaping wide emptiness
Feeling when I should be numb

I am alone in a world full of people
A voyeur in the window of life
The passenger in the drivers seat
A martyr to emotional misgivings

Memories of someone who used to be
Flesh encased a pseudo being
Melancholy replaces once known joy
A soul lost and unsaved by hope

(c) Blu Jewel 2006

**Author's note: See what happens when you find stuff in hidden places. This was originally written in Nov 04 and I decided to post it unretouched.

Soul Custody

2006-09-12T06:08:00.000-05:00

The union of you and I has past
The feelings we shared no longer exists
An abyss of sequestered emotions
Is the life that remains
Though we never fought
The battle between us raged
Unrelenting until one of us gave in
Usually me never wanting to be confrontational
A martyr to my own selflessness
Unrequited seems excessive in describing you
Though truth be told non verbal speech
Does not equate to saying what needed to be heard
Blind eyes could see you cared
Death ears could hear passion in your moans
But failure to launch was the iceberg
That sunk our ship
The separation of fantasy and reality
Migrated nonsense into logic
Emotional scars bear the infliction of abuse
A heart caught in the crossfire
Still beating as it hit the floor
The soul that fled
Left behind the child of desire
Lost, alone, and hurting in the midst of confusion
Take me back; someone claim me
She cried as she tried to beat
Still hoping; praying that possession go to the rightful one
Obviously he did not deserve
The one who brought them together
She took her hand, walked away, yet to look back
Placed in isolation and protection
For only she deserved soul custody
Of the love that now no longer existed

(c) BluJewel 2006

Anniversaries - 9/11

2006-09-11T08:34:00.000-05:00

As I struggled with both my emotions and thoughts on what to post today, the anniversary and memories of 9/11 stirred relentlessly in my mind. The activities and on-going events of that day are indelibly etched in my mind. This poem is a small reflection of how I feel...

Used to mark and symbolize
A way to relive a memory – to immortalize
Typically intended to evoke sunshine and smiles
Though today it marks sadness and trials
A day this country thought it would never see
Someone attacking freedom and democracy
Thousands of lives violently ripped from our lives
Brothers, sisters, husbands and wives
But the lives that died weren’t all in the towers
As the stories affected millions within a minutes not hours
Across the country people began to mourn
Lives divided and allegiances torn
Kill the bastards many proclaimed
As several foreigners were named and blamed
Six degrees of separation slowly dissipated
Strangers became bonded; a new appreciation of life consummated
Color lines blurred, genders ignored as people congregated
A unity in grief was suddenly created
The UNITED States of America finally existed
Sadly, it took a nationwide catastrophe borne of hatred

(c) BluJewel 2006

rAnDoM sToRy #1

2006-09-08T10:17:00.000-05:00

It was a rainy evening and their plans for a romantic stroll along the harbor were squashed. They decided to stay inside, order room service, and watch a movie. The food arrived and they ate by the window watching the rain cascade down on the pedestrians running across the street. The rain bounced into the harbor water forming little indents. It looked so beautiful outside. The sound of the rain through the open balcony door played a delicate melody on the deck.

They finished their meal and cleared the dishes off the table. The sound of the rain's melody was too much to avoid and they went out and danced to the sounds of the droplets and began to get very aroused. They began to kiss and the kissing led to touching. Careless of their surroundings, he raised the back of her dress and removed her panties; runnin his hands over her smooth butt and squeezed gently. She leaned against the rail and felt him press himself against her. She reached back and rubbed his full erection and squeezed it. She knew he wanted release and she wanted him. She turned around and unzipped his trousers and let them fall to his feet. She turned back around and said nothing, but he knew what she wanted - he wanted it too.

Once again, he raised her dress revealing her bare butt as she pushed it toward him and he slide himself inside of her. She was hot, wet and very ready. He gently slid and out of her; each rising to their climax. As she came, she draped over the rail panting deeply. He climaxed and shuddered, draining into her. They stood in silence and watched the rain.

a KoDaK MoMeNt

2006-09-05T13:22:00.000-05:00

Though my mind spoke in volumes
The words never left my lips
It's said a picture is worth a thousand words
However, when I saw you I was speechless

(c) Blu Jewel 2006

Breathe (2:00am)

2006-09-01T06:02:00.000-05:00

I was up late and came across this song. It's really good and says a lot. Thought it might make for a good post.

Breathe (2 AM) Video - Anna Nalick lyrics

Anna Nalick Music Video Codes

Music Video Codes by VideoCure.com

Flesh for Fantasy

2006-08-31T07:53:00.000-05:00

Thoughts of what we could do together
Seer through my mind causing love’s divine
Spectacle of our bodies entwined
Forming a unique mélange of asymmetrical mastery
Day and night dreams of pleasure infinite
Arouse vagarious fantasies yet to be explored
Words defile what actions can express
Release from this bondage yet to be satiated

© Blu Jewel 2006

This piece was inspired by the Billy Idol song Flesh For Fantasy

RaNdOm PoEtIc MoMeNt # 2

2006-08-30T08:13:00.000-05:00

In my southern most state
There's a strawberry patch
Waiting to be harvested
For the berries to be plucked
And the juice to be poured

Won't you be my farmer?

(c) Blu Jewel 2006

the unfairy tale

2006-08-29T07:25:00.000-05:00

Once upon a fairy tale there was a prince and a frog. My fairy godmother told me to pick my true prince, so I picked the frog. Dumbstruck, she asked why and I told her that at least with the frog I knew what I saw was what I was going to get.

(c) Blu Jewel 2006

LiKe ThAT

2006-08-29T07:09:00.000-05:00

He begged me to put a condom on my words claiming what I was saying was no longer foreplay and it was becoming hard...literally for him and we needed to play it safe. He said, my words were so sensual and filled with eroticism that if I didn't cover them up he might get pregnant...All I could say was dayum! I didn't know I had it like that.

(c) Blu Jewel 2006

Love is blind!

2006-08-28T07:58:00.000-05:00

As your arms wrap around me
I am warmed by the
Chill of your cold embrace
Suffocated by the
Emptiness of your kiss
Taken by the
Vacated look of your stare
Never embarassed by the
Fool I've become around you
Confined by the
Emotional hold I refuse to escape

(c) Blu Jewel 2006

Inspired by Bonnie Raitt's I Can't Make You Love Me

I call it good!!!

2006-08-24T20:03:00.000-05:00

As previously posted, I told you that I love music. It's so much a part of my daily life and I'm a sucka for the classics. Lionel Richie has been making great music for decades and has out lasted the fly-by-nights popular music swears by. He's come back with a hot song which I advise you to check out. He's collaborated with some of the young and hip producers, and from the sound of his currently released song, I think it was a great move. The song is filled with emotions that make you want to find that someone special and/or make love. The song provides lyrics that we've missed in the current ramblings of today's R&B songs that no longer talk about love or making love, but instead turn love into freaking and bumpin' n grindin'. This song is a refreshing change and fills you like ice cold lemonade on a 90% day. Denying Lionel's long standing reputation in the industry would be like saying K-Fed can rap...A stupid thing to say! (blaaaah! That's me puking) I Call It Love

I know you were probably expecting another fabulous poem today, but I decided to speak through music today.

Less than honorable intentions

2006-08-23T13:38:00.000-05:00

You stood there looking at me
As I took in your sultry body perfectly shaped
I picked you out of the crowd
Your honey brown complexion I craved
I watched you swish and sway toward me
And you seduced me with your taste
Leaving me weak and wanting more
Again and again I took you in
Allowing myself to get hooked on your love
The sensual way you captured me
Had me enthralled in your intoxicating passion
Each time I said no, I’ve had enough
The mere glimpse of you and your liquid seduction
Brought me right back into your arms
At night’s end when all self control was lost
You followed me home and finished having your way with me
As I lay sprawled across my bed
Makeup smeared, hair tussled, and my clothes strewn
I could no longer see that sultry body that drew me in
All I could do was smell the remnants of your scent
As I lay choking in my own vomit; my head pounding
Instead of making me feel good like you promised
I feel like shit and I hate you Jack!

(c) BluJewel 2006

RaNdOm pOeTiC mOmEnT

2006-08-22T12:46:00.000-05:00

While she sat alone at the crowded bar
Ignoring the comments from near and far
A beautiful smile hid her internal pain
MAC makeup concealed the bruises and her shame
Beauty for her was truly only skin deep
Cause she hated herself for the secrets she had to keep
A heroine in her own right for the battles she'd won
But there was no award for single-handedly raising her son
Both victims of the violations of her trust
A forced intimacy conspired from his lust

(c) BluJewel 2006

Lyrically Speaking

2006-08-17T15:31:00.000-05:00

Music is a powerful way of communicating. Though most of the songs today are (in my eyes) a waste of time and energy to produce; however, they appeal to someone, somewhere, and I'll leave it at that.

For me, music is more than just another hot song of the moment; it is a very powerful way of communicating. "When words fail, music remains" is a slogan I came up with and also the sub title to a compilation of CDs I've created. There is no preference to genre or pace; they're merely a collection of songs that actually say something. The creation came about while I was bored of listening to the same old shit that was on mainstream radio and wanted something to listen to with some substance. Granted, there are some songs there were once mainstream, but to me, they had the ever powerful component...meaningful lyrical content. The compilation (now at Vol.13) was no easy feat, but well worth the numerous hours I spent working on them.

Recently, while parusing iTunes, I came across Janita. A young woman from Helsinki, Finland who's voice is sultry, sensual, rich, and very soulful. To me, she's a combination of Sade, Gabriela Anders (another little known artist from Brazil - the girl can sing!), with a sprinkle of Teena Marie. The CD entitled "Seasons of Life" was more than worth the $9.90 I spent to download it. Song for song, Janita had my attention and I can (and have repeatedly) listened to it loop for hours. I shared the CD with friends whom have a greater appreciation for good music and they too were captivated by her lyrical capacity. I strongly recommend Janita to (http://www.janita.com) to you.

Let me know what you think...Lyrically speaking!

She who reads...or at least wants to!

2006-08-15T09:35:00.000-05:00

As a writer, I often spend countless hours reading just about anything I can get my hands on. I read newspapers; though I find them primarily depressing. I read magazines; though many of them tend to be rather repetitious, too catered, and on a few occasions; amusing. I enjoy fiction because I'm always intested in other writing styles and in many authors. As a subscriber to a book club, I anxiously wait every month for a new book to come in. As an avid reader, I use the month to month delivery as my meter for how soon I should have my book read. The drawback? I'm currently about 4 months behind. I started a book I desperately wanted to read and have yet to complete it. So, in my burgeoning bookcase, I add new books waiting to be read while the one I'm yet to complete sits there sadly waiting my return.

It bothers me that I have not allocated the time to play catch up on my reading, but I'm distracted. I read and write for a living, so there are times when the last thing I want to do is read on my down time. I'm also working on self-publishing, which in itself is an arduous task and I need to focus on that and not other people's work. But I do need the distraction. There's that word again...DISTRACTION. I feel like I'm in a damned if you do, and damned if you don't cycle. Maybe I need my imgainary doses adjusted to quell my bouts of imaginary (though real feeling) ADD and to get back on track.

Whatever it is and whatever it takes, I'll get it together. Passion unsued is like dousing a much needed flame to sustain inner warmth. (Damn, that was a creative quote I just made up!!!!) I can't let the fire die!!!!!!

Thank You

2006-08-01T05:47:00.000-05:00

I would like to thank those of you who have taken the time to read Rendezvous. It was something I wanted to share in order to expose my writing capabilities and to solicit feedback on my writing style. I have a tendency toward writing erotica; however, I can and do write on other levels also. This story was a not inspired by anything or anyone; it was just something that came to mind and I went with it. I prefer to step out of the norm and incorporate things that I've found many other authors do not do. I want my characters to have lots of personality, to not fit any specific image or demographic, and to become a part of the reader.

I hope that you enjoyed this story and I especially thank those who posted comments to let me know how they felt about each chapter.

Please check out my website www.blujewel.com, which has samples of poems on it; though the site in not 100% complete yet, to get another feel for my work. In addition, I am on www.myspace.com in order to network to meet other writers or publishing agents looking for new talent. My other blog, Is It Just Me? is a series of tirades from yours truly. http://mentallyspeaking.blogspot.com, which offers another look at my writing style.

Again, thank you for your interest in my works.

BluJewel

Rendezvous Part 25 (The end)

2006-07-27T05:25:00.000-05:00

“Really?” Natalie responded doubtfully. “You said that with the arrogance I first met you with,” Natalie mused.

“Natalie,” Derrick paused, “I won’t lie, it hasn’t been easy acting like you didn’t happen, but I handled it. During that time, I amply recognized that my wife and I know why we’re together and while I’m sure she’d be more than pissed if she found out I cheated, I don’t think she’d press the issue.” Derrick cleared his throat. “I’ll give you the details of my marriage I failed to share before, but for now, it’s not something we need to worry about. You heard what my mother said so I don’t need to reiterate that now. Natalie, if you want to see me in whatever capacity we both agree to, I can deal with that.” Derrick concluded with certainty.

Derrick wasn’t quite sure where his current strength to make that pledge came from, but he knew he was being honest and sincere and to him, that’s was all that was important.

“Wow!” Natalie was stunned. She hadn’t anticipated such a profound response. “So, my conceding to basically being your lover doesn’t cheapen me in your eyes?”

“Not at all. God, Natalie, there’s nothing cheap about you,” Derrick complimented. “At some point this is something you’ve obviously given thought to and if you’re willing to accept me even with my limitations, I feel honored.” Natalie didn’t respond. “You realize you answered the question right?” Derrick teased.

Natalie laughed, “Yeah, I guess I did. A little convoluted, but answered nonetheless right?”

Natalie and Derrick continued to discuss the terms of their relationship and agreed to meet bimonthly at an agreed location and more often when their respective schedules permitted.

“So, the Hyatt twice a month during the week and Philly once a month right?” Natalie went over their plans for their first meeting.

“Yup. I can’t wait to see you girl,” Derrick’s enthusiasm escalated.

“See you soon.” Natalie hung up. “Meeeee aaaand, Mr. Mr. P, Mr. P, Mr. P, Mr. P; we got a thing going on. We both know that it’s wrong, but it’s much too late to turn back now.”

The end of their conversation was the start of things to come.

Rendezvous Part 24

2006-07-26T06:43:00.000-05:00

Derrick and Natalie went back on forth on who was doing what to whom; soon forgetting Mrs. Parker’s call. The easy banter between them gave room for professional discussion in addition to the flirting and teasing.

“So, do you want me to come to your lecture or do you want to keep me all to yourself?” Derrick probed with sexy confidence.

Silence interrupted the question as Natalie digressed into the little girl Derrick made her feel like.

“Your silence betrays you Nat,” Derrick confidently stated.

“Huh? What?” Natalie broke from her thoughts. “Say that again.”

“My point exactly,” Derrick lowered his voice. “Tell me Ms. Connors, why did you really call?” Suggestion filled Derrick’s tone.

Natalie adjusted in her seat. There was something in the way Derrick was talking that threw her off. “Are you trying to seduce me Derrick?” Natalie boldly inquired.

“Only if you want me to.” Long pause. “Nat?” Derrick queried.

“Yeah. I’m still here,” she resumed. “Just contemplating your question against my own thoughts,” she sheepishly replied. More silence. “May I ask you something? Something very personal,” Natalie cautiously inquired.

“I told you not to censor yourself, so go for it.”

Derrick’s directive aroused her, making her open her legs a little. Thoughts of their making love gave way to vivid memories; prompting a strong yearning.

Derrick was caught off guard by his lack of inhibition and the feelings he’d sent back to the abyss were now rising again. Even with his mother’s prompting, a part of Derrick was still a little apprehensive of any further intimacies with Natalie. He inhaled a deep breath and exhaled slowly rubbing his goatee as he waited for Natalie’s response.

“Before I reply to that question, may I ask you something?”

“Again, you don’t need to censor yourself,” Derrick became a little uneasy at the pending question, but braced for it.

“Are absolutely, and I do mean absolutely sure you can hide this from your wife? Will you be able to deal with what our being together could cause?” Natalie sighed.

“Yes!” Derrick replied without hesitation.

Rendezvous Part 23

2006-07-25T13:03:00.000-05:00

“Uhm, I, I have feelings for Derrick,” Natalie’s voice croaked. “He’s become very dear to me.”

“Baby girl,” Mrs. Parker said very softly. “My age has given me great wisdom and I think it’s obvious that you have feelings for Derrick just by the way you’re talking,” Mrs. Parker’s maternal prowess were now very apparent. “What I want to know is would you act upon them.” Mrs. Parker’s forthrightness both stunned and amused Natalie.

Natalie giggled shyly. “Yes, Val, I would act on them,” Natalie said without hesitation.

“Okay, now you now that mommy, how does that make you an al…Ah, now I get it. Slick. Very slick indeed.” Derrick smirked and gave a high-five to the air.

“You kids today now nothing about discretion and allies”. Mrs. Parker laughed out loud. “I know my manner is rather unorthodox, but so is what we’re all dealing with; however, life is short and sometimes you just have to grab the proverbial bull by the horns and take control of what you can.”

“Amen!” Natalie cosigned. “Derrick?”

“How could I turn it down or refute what my dear and sweet mother has said.”

“Very good.” Mrs. Parker affirmed. “Now, before I go, I’d like to get Natalie’s contact information. I have email so I’ll give you my address and you can provide it for me okay?”

“Okay.”

“It’s force tranquille@hotmail.com”.

“That’s French right?” Natalie inquired. “Uhm, quiet strength right?” Its meaning was obvious and Natalie smiled at Mrs. Parker’s creativity.

“Yes. I’m impressed,” Mrs. Parker chuckled. “Well, I need to get going. But in the meantime, please be good to yourself and thank you for allowing an old woman her say. Oh, one last thing. I will let Bizzy know of this conversation and if there’s anything she can do for you, please let her know. After I speak with her, I’ll provide her information for you also.”

“Thanks mommy,” Derrick was beaming. “Thank you for everything and please forgive my initial tone with you.”

“It’s okay honey; no need for apologies. It’s not everyday a mother does what I’m doing. Natalie, are you okay?” Mrs. Parker cautiously inquired.

Mrs. Parker indeed sounded so much like a friend than a mother and now ally leaving Natalie overwhelmed with compassion.

“Oh, yes! I’m more than satisfied. Thank you infinitum for your willingness to help us. I look forward to our getting to know each other more.”

“As do I. Now I shall let you both continue. Bye for now Natalie and I’ll speak with you soon Derrick.”

Mrs. Parker ended her part of the call.

“She’s some woman,” Derrick spoke seemingly to himself. “I could never in a thousand years have seen that coming. She’s more amazing than I’ve ever given her credit for.” Derrick’s monolog continued.

“I agree.” Natalie smiled to herself. “Yes, unique to say the least.”

“Well, if you ever doubted our closeness, you now have proof.”

“Sweetie, I never doubted it, but it’s nice to experience first hand.” Natalie was now anxious to meet Derrick’s mother. “By the way, I think it’s adorable that you still call your mother “mommy”,” Natalie said affectionately.

Derrick and Natalie remained silent as they each reflected on the conversation.

“Yeah, that’s my girl. She’s the absolute best,” Derrick smiled to himself. “So, now that’s done. Where were we?” Derrick asked. Natalie was still nursing her thoughts. “Ms. Connors?” Derrick’s formality released Natalie from her thoughts.

“Uh, yes?”

“I was asking where we were before my mother called.”

“You know I think I’ve forgotten.” Natalie rewound her mental tape. “Oh, I think you were trying to seduce me,” Natalie giggled.

Rendezvous Part 22

2006-07-24T10:29:00.000-05:00

“I’ll get straight to the point,” Mrs. Parker, directly stated. “I know my son very well dear. There’s not much about him I couldn’t pick up on.” It was obvious Mrs. Parker was smiling. “I also know my lifelong friend Beatrice keeps no secrets from me,” Mrs. Parker allowed for pause. “Beatrice lives next to our Philadelphia home and informed me a young woman had stayed there. Derrick didn’t mention names when he said someone needed to use it. Being an inquisitive woman, I pressed Bizzy, that’s the pet name I have for her,” Mrs. Parker chuckled. “I’m sorry dear, it’s a joke between Bizzy and I. Anyway, I pressed for details and she described you.”

“Mommy?!” Derrick’s shock interrupted the conversation. “I can’t believe you did that. How is Aunt Bea anyway? She didn’t let on she was around while I was there.” Nostalgia jogged Derrick’s memories.

Natalie laughed and smiled at Derrick’s comfort in saying mommy instead of mother. “It’s okay Derrick,” Natalie spoke up. “I would probably do the same thing given the circumstances. Please go on Val. Beatrice sounds like a lovely woman.”

“She is,” Mrs. Parker confirmed. “Moving right along. Upon Derrick’s return, I noticed a change. Subtle as it was, but I knew something was different about him. I asked various questions though never letting on I was prying for information about you,” Mrs. Parker casually admitted. “I must say, you’ve done rather well for yourself young lady,” Mrs. Parker complimented and continued keeping her remaining methods to herself. Derrick sighed and coughed as if somewhat offended by the revelation. “Derrick honey, it’s okay. I assure you that neither your father nor your wife know or suspect anything,” Mrs. Parker paused again. “Each too consumed with themselves!” The sidebar commented stunned both Derrick and Natalie.

“Mommy, excuse me for a second. Why did you do all of this?” Derrick sounded like a little boy.

“I have to agree with Derrick Val, what prompted the interest in me.” Natalie was trying to imagine the women with whom had taken so much interest in her. Did she look like Derrick? Was she tall, short; thin? Her voice gave no indication of her age.

“Curiosity and happiness.” Mrs. Parker said in a hurry. “I don’t mean to be intrusive Natalie and I’m not sure how much Derrick has told you about his life, but I stand by my son enough to know that it’s probably been nothing short of the truth,” the echoes of pride encased Mrs. Parker’s words. “Behind that huge exterior is a kind, gentle, and warm man who wants nothing more than some happiness in his life. His children mean everything to him, as he and his brother do to me, but for reasons somewhat beyond our control; though moreso his, he can’t leave her. I…”

“Save the details for me mommy; I’ll tell her.” Derrick interrupted impatiently. “What I want to know is your interest. Actually, you used the word ally.”

“Slow down Derrick,” Natalie returned. “Please allow your mother her voice.”

“I apologize honey. I’ll stick to the point,” Mrs. Parker digressed. “Natalie, how do you feel about my son?”

Natalie was stunned. Although she had an idea of where the conversation was heading, she didn’t expect to be hit so bluntly.

Rendezvous Part 21

2006-07-20T14:08:00.000-05:00

Derrick reached in his pocket. “Nat, can you hold for a second? We’ll pick up where we left once this call is over.”

“Yeah; sure.”

Natalie returned her attention to some paperwork while she waited. She dismissed the numerous and even amorous thoughts that vied for her attention. Derrick's easy nature amazed her for the amount of stress she knew he dealt with between work and home. Having increased her own responsibilities afforded her some empathy. The amorous thoughts soon arrived at the finish line.

“Sorry about that,” Derrick excused, “ that was my mother.”

Natalie shook her head silently disgarding to her thoughts.

“She…she, uh, wants to talk to you,” Derrick nervously stated.

“Me?" Natalie startled. "For what?” Came the prompt and nervous reply.

“She didn’t say exactly. She asked a few questions and then said she wanted to speak with you. Shall I set it up?” The equal nervousness couldn’t be missed.

Natalie rubbed her temples. She couldn’t think of why Derrick’s mother would want to speak with her, but accepted nonetheless.

“Sure.”

“I won’t if you don’t really want to,” Derrick soothed.

“I know how important she is to you Derrick. I also know from what you’ve said, that she’s protective of you, so I think it’s only fair for her to have her say; whatever it is.” Natalie wasn’t feeling half as confident as she sounded leaving her mind to work overtime.

“Hang up and I’ll set up a conference call.”

Natalie waited for what seemed like an eternity for her phone to ring. The pounding in her heart felt like wild horses set free.

“Ms. Connors, may I skip the formality and call you Natalie?” Derrick’s mother politely inquired.

“Yes, of course. What may I call you in return?”

“Valerie, but Val, will suffice. No need for the full name if we’re to become allies,” Mrs. Parker’s soft voice immediately warmed Natalie. “Derrick, hasn’t mentioned anything if you’re wondering why I called.”

Natalie leaned into her oversized seat. “Mrs. P, I mean Val, if Derrick hasn’t mentioned me, then you have me at a loss for the call.”

Rendezvous Part 20

2006-07-19T14:22:00.000-05:00

Natalie paused and sighed loudly. “Long story short, I wasn’t handling things well between Lloyd’s death and being with you. I was working long hours, not really eating or sleeping, and it took its toll.” Natalie rambled in one long breath.

“Why didn’t you reach out?" Derrick pressed. "I would have been there for you babe.” The comfort in Derrick’s tone almost made Natalie cry. She’d wanted to; she really did. But she didn't want to admit to herself that she’d begun to fall in love; though it seemed to be too much and certainly too soon for it to be real.

“I know that Derrick, but I just couldn’t,” Natalie fought the tears back. “I had to handle things the best way I could and trust me I’m better now and at least I told someone I don’t have to deal with unless I want to. I’m sorry if that hurt you in any way.” She concluded and wiped the stray tears away.

Derrick let out a heavy sigh. So many things ran through his mind trying to imagine what had happened to Natalie, but the here and now was on the phone and he had to focus on that.

“I’ll admit it does hurt hearing that things got that heavy for you; however, I’m happy that you were able to deal with it and you seem much better now. You are aren’t you?” A hint of apprehension resumed.

“Yes. Yes, I’m much better now.”

“Good,” Derrick was smiling again. “So, now you can go back to telling me about your student.”

Natalie smiled, partly recalling her own initial reaction to Derrick. Well, the physical one. “It’s funny, I think she was partly taken by your looks and then by your paper,” Natalie teased. “I think she might have even done a Google search on you.” Natalie laughed at her having Googled him. “She asked if I knew you, which prompted this call, but I get the impression that she’d like to get to know you herself,” Natalie laughed through the implication.

Derrick tapped his pen against the desk. He smiled and decided he’d humor Natalie a little. “So, what would the good instructor do in a case like this?” Derrick teased. “Would she invite said author to a lecture so said student could meet said author or would she harbor him to herself?”

Natalie let out a hearty laugh. “Oh, now I recall the arrogance I was initially greeted with,” she stated between fits of laughter. “I’m not sure she could handle you the way I can though. She’s just starting out,” Natalie added.

Derrick snickered and mulled over the double entendre. Seeing as Natalie had previously ribbed him about his arrogance, he decided to play the hand. “So, you can handle me huh? Is that a fact? And how pray tell can you do that?” Derrick questioned in a pointed tone.

“Oh shit!” Natalie blushed. “I can’t believe I said that.”

“Yeah, you did,” Derrick laughed loudly. “Is your subconscious overriding your conscious Ms. Connors?”

Rendezvous Part 19

2006-07-18T13:06:00.000-05:00

Natalie tried to imagine Derrick’s mother; wondering what kind of life she’d been living and how she’d managed to do it for so long. Natalie didn’t think she could be that noble. Or at least do it without a companion of some kind.

“It’s admirable that you both are so close, but I guess with the shared weight of a bad situation, I guess it all makes sense.” Natalie emerged from her thoughts.

“Have you..?” Derrick was almost afraid to ask. “Have you told anyone about us?”

Natalie nodded. She didn’t want say out loud to whom, but in order to preserve their integrity, she have to.

“Uhm, yes.” Natalie stuttered. “Yes, I have. I had to.” Natalie’s voiced weakened. “I couldn’t hold it in anymore.”

A sudden sense of urgency came over Derrick. He smiled and then frowned wondering whom she might have told and why. Natalie was close to her sister and thought maybe she’d told her. A small relief entered his stomach to satisfy the butterflies.

“May I ask whom?”

Silence! Natalie couldn’t speak. She opened and closed her mouth; struggling to put the explanation together. Warm saliva slid down her throat, but the words froze each time they surfaced.

“Nat?” Derrick queried. “Nat are you still there?”

“You know..." Natalie searched for an out. "A student came across your white paper and her receptiveness to you made me smile,” Natalie nervously chuckled.

“Receptiveness?” Derrick queried. “Though I know you’re trying to evade answering my question.” Derrick quicky noted.

Natalie coughed and swallowed hard. She should have known Derrick was too keen to let her get away with not speaking. He had a right to know seeing as she’d brought it up.

“I spoke with a counselor,” she replied bluntly, almost painfully.

Derrick stopped in his tracks and leaned against a cabinet. “A counselor? Natalie, is there something I need to know,” Derrick anxiously inquired.

“No! No, not like you think,” Natalie refuted.

“Then what?” Derrick pressed not wanting to speculate anything.

Rendezvous Part 18

2006-07-13T10:02:00.000-05:00

Natalie paused and wished she hadn’t spoken so quickly. She suddenly felt embarrassed and knew Derrick would not concede easily. Natalie sighed heavily.

“I’ve called and hung up before you could answer and I’ve even disguised my voice and pretended to be someone else just to hear your voice,” Natalie woefully admitted. Derrick chuckled. “That’s not funny,” Natalie defended. “It’s pathetic and I’m mortified that I’m even admitting I did it.”

“Easy, easy, it’s okay,” Derrick comforted. “I find it rather endearing actually.”

“Endearing?” Natalie made a face. “I acted like a schoolgirl.”

“And I’ve acted like a school boy since the night we made love and I’m still acting like it now,” Derrick’s words soothed Natalie’s embarrassment. “It’s almost like having a crush on a teacher and having to keep it to yourself because no one can know,” Derrick said with a laugh.

“You’ve told no one about us?” A mélange of awe and sadness enveloped Natalie’s tone.

“Unfortunately not; I’ve often wanted to tell someone though.” Derrick mindlessly scribbled Natalie’s name on the blotter. “Mother senses something though,” Derrick craftily added.

“She does?” Natalie stared at Derrick’s online photo. “How so?” Natalie felt a sudden shift on the direction of the conversation.

Derrick got up and paced. He’d been smart enough to have his desk phone replaced with a cordless one. Derrick walked over to the window and stared into the darkening sky.

“Given that she and I share a similar existence, it’s not hard for her to notice a change in me; even the slightest ones,” Derrick explained. “Although she hasn’t asked me anything, I’ve seen a change in her demeanor. She’s a little more relaxed with me; more subtle in her approach to my situation, for lack of better wording,” softness warmed Derrick’s words.

“Will she?”

“No! Not at all," Derrick quickly reassured. "She’s on my side even if she doesn't know the details," Derrick paused. "And if I’m ever able to tell her about you, I'm sure she’ll smile, ask if you make me happy; which is obvious, and then she’ll simply caution me on how to maintain face,” Derrick smiled.

Rendezvous Part 17

2006-07-11T14:12:00.000-05:00

Although Natalie initiated the “no regrets” clause of their union, a part of her felt guilty for allowing her emotions and vulnerability to get the best of her. Even worse, she felt bad for how Derrick had to live with what they’d shared. His home life was toll enough, and now having to contain such a huge secret seemed unfair. Natalie toyed several times with the idea of encouraging him to tell someone he trusted implicitly so the burden could be somewhat alleviated; however, she never went through with it. Life would have to go on as agreed. Once Natalie resolved herself from the mini affair, she returned to work a revived and more productive woman. Natalie became a prominent figure amongst her colleagues and was offered a teaching position at the local University in conjunction to her post as the CSU head. During one of her classes, a student presented her with a white paper written by Derrick Parker and asked if they were acquainted. Natalie had read the paper, but the sound of Derrick’s name was music to her ears and she instantly wanted to reach out to him. Their communication had dwindled of late and Natalie missed him. She felt a wave of desire rise within her.

“Parker!” Derrick curtly answered.

Natalie paused. It was not the tone she expected. “Derrick, it’s Natalie,” she said sweetly.

Derrick leaned back in his chair and tried to rub the stress out of his temples. “Hey Nat, I’m sorry for my tone. It’s been one hell of a day,” his voice softened.

“Wanna talk about it?”

“No, not really,” Derrick discarded. “Work mostly,” he lied. “I’m happy to hear from you; what’s up?”

“Well, it’s been a while since we’ve spoken and even longer since I’ve se…” Natalie rambled and then stopped. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to...” Sudden doubt came over her.

“It’s okay,” Derrick encouraged, “please don’t censor yourself.”

Natalie paused to gauge Derrick’s mood. She wanted to be free and open, but erred on the side of caution, at least for the moment as she indulged the vivid memories in her mind. The clause came back to mind too, but she couldn’t deny herself the opportunity to change where they stood.

“Derrick, I’ve missed you,” Natalie stated firmly. “I’ve thought about you often and naturally hoped you were thinking about me too.”

Derrick pushed his work aside and allowed himself to relax in his seat. The bonhomie of Natalie’s voice erased Derrick’s previous demeanor and made him smile.

“How could I not?” Derrick stated. “Just hearing your voice does me in Nat,” Derrick affectionately offered. “It sure beats the choleric one I’m used to,” Derrick frowned for a moment. “What made you call,” Derrick quickly changed thoughts.

“I’ve called you several times,” Natalie admitted.

“Really?” Derrick creased his brow in thought. “You did? When?” Curiosity etched his tone.

Rendezvous Part 16

2006-07-07T13:37:00.000-05:00

Natalie ignored Derrick’s comment and continued to make love to him. Derrick allowed Natalie her fill of him and then carefully turned as not to separate them and returned in magnitude what she’d done for him. It was well after noon before they finally got their pleasantly aching bodies out of bed. Derrick went to check his messages while Natalie showered. The missed call was Derrick’s mother, but the message wasn’t urgent for him to call back, so Derrick joined Natalie to make her shower even steamier.

For the rest of the day, Derrick and Natalie did next to nothing other than enjoy each other’s company and talk. Derrick ordered take out instead of cooking and Natalie found movies to watch On Demand. By nightfall, Derrick and Natalie found themselves in a repeat of the previous night and by the end of Derrick’s time in Philly, he felt like he’d fallen for Natalie; and was afraid to speak about it. He recalled his promise, but it was hard to send his feelings back to the darkness and his biggest fear was his change being noticed at home. Dread filled him and temporarily eclipsed his happiness.

Natalie wrapped her arms around Derrick’s waist. “Penny for your thoughts?”

“Might need about 99 cents more,” Derrick huffed.

“Oh?” Natalie looked into Derrick’s eyes. “What’s wrong?”

Derrick sat Natalie at the table. “I don’t know how to do this Natalie,” Derrick spoke softly. “Look at me,” Derrick was beaming. “I feel like I just took off my armor and I’m a hundred pounds lighter. I’m smiling now and I’m not usually this cheerful.” Derrick turned away from Natalie for a moment and then looked into her questioning eyes. “I have no idea how I’m supposed to contain this once I go home,” Derrick frowned. “Nat, what am I gonna do?”

Natalie took Derrick’s hand in hers. “Honestly hun, I don’t know what to say. It’s been less than a year since Lloyd’s death and I let you in. I’m in a precarious place too,” Natalie tried to comfort, but knew her words weren’t really the solace he wanted.

Derrick got up and paced. “I know you said no regrets, and babe I have none,” Derrick stopped pacing. “I just don’t know how to put what I’m feeling into the recesses again.” Sadness filled his tone.

Natalie got up and put her arms around Derrick again. “Kiss me,” she affectionately demanded.

Derrick kissed her knowing it would be the last time their lips would meet. There was no way out of his marriage unless his wife died and Natalie needed time to completely heal. This was all too much and too soon for either of them to commit to anything other than maintaining their friendship.

Natalie left for home the day before Derrick leaving him alone with his thoughts. They slept in separate beds the night before her departure to prevent their parting from being any harder than it already would be. Natalie called to say she’d arrived safely and the conversation was limited to that. Derrick went home and on with his quasi life and tried to focus on having a friendship with Natalie rather than nothing at all. The months passed and Derrick and Natalie continued to talk via phone and email as they’d done before. With the same applied intensity to his work, Derrick managed to bury his feelings toward Natalie and have his wife be none the wiser of his indiscretion. Natalie received her promotion and became the first black woman to head up a CSU. Derrick sent flowers instead of accepting her invitation to the formal dinner held in her honor. Facing her was too hard.

Rendezvous Part 15

2006-07-05T18:22:00.000-05:00

“Yes.” Natalie cried out. “Baby, that’s good. So good.”

The erotic moanings enticed and aroused Derrick making him smile, confirming that he was doing the right things.

Natalie’s body writhed each time Derrick’s finger slid in and out of her. She could feel his warm, cool breath breeze across her thighs and between the folds of skin. He continued on. Derrick positioned himself between Natalie’s raised legs and slowly ran his tongue into each crease, tasting her. Derrick squeezed his eyes closed even tighter, delighting in the flavor of Natalie’s special meal. Skillfully, Derrick used his mouth to play oral surgeon on Natalie.

“Ooooh! J…jeez…Derrick, oh…” Natalie’s passioned scream filled the otherwise quiet room.

Derrick continued pleasing Natalie until she could take no more and pulled him upward. Her legs quivered and her body shook as the orgasm resounded in her. Derrick slowed his entry into Natalie’s eagerly waiting well of desire, fearing instant release. He laid on top of her enjoying her orgasm through osmosis. Then, slowly, Natalie raised her legs, wrapping them around Derrick’s waist and eased herself upward for him to enter her. Without guidance, Derrick entered Natalie.

“Ahh!” Derrick sighed as the warmth from Natalie’s inside encased him. “You feel incredible,” he went on. “God! I'd damn near forgot what a woman feels like,” Derrick shamelessly admitted.

Natalie said nothing and inhaled his mouth into a deep and passionate kiss. Their bodies bounced against each other’s as they made love in several positions. For hours, they shared their innermost secrecies, explored every known and unknown detail of each other’s bodies, and found a place in each other to reside. After their bodies couldn’t take anymore, they fell asleep in each other’s arms until the sound of the phone roused Derrick from his sleep. Reluctant to have his bliss disturbed so early, Derrick ignored the phone and wrapped is body around Natalie’s and went back to sleep. At 9:20 am, Natalie stirred and smiled knowing Derrick was still next to her.

“Morning handsome,” Natalie cooed.

“Hey beautiful.” Derrick ran his hand through Natalie’s hair. “Sleep well?”

“Like a baby. You?”

“The same. You were amazing,” Derrick offered. “I hope I…”

“No complaints. No worries; no regrets remember?” Natalie reminded. “You were wonderful.”

The smile that emerged on Derrick’s face illumunated the room. Natalie was pleased and climbed on top of him, rubbing herself on Derrick’s semi hard erection until it was hard enough to enter her.

“I think he likes me,” Natalie teased.

“How could he not?” Derrick grinned and gyrated underneath her. “Though I shouldn’t get used to this,” Derrick pensively noted.

Rendezvous Part 14

2006-07-04T20:11:00.000-05:00

“God. Natalie,” Derrick moaned. “This…I’ve…you have no idea…”

“Yes. I think I do,” Natalie challenged. “Forget for a moment. Just be. I am,” she whispered as she pressed her mouth against his.

Derrick was too weak to fight. His will had been stripped the moment Natalie called out to him. Making love was a faded memory and its resurrection into reality only occurred when his wife obliged his marital right, which tended to be more selfishly driven on her part. But this — this feeling of mutual want and desire was almost foreign to him.

“Forgive any performance issues I may…”

“No need for that,” Natalie hushed him. “Whatever happens; no regrets okay? Promise?”

Derrick nodded. He wanted to speak, but the words knotted in his throat. Tears threatened.

“Say it to me Derrick,” Natalie coaxed. “Tell me there’ll be no worries and no regrets. Life’s short. Let’s live while we have the time.”

“No regrets," Derrick nodded again. "No worries. Just right now," his words softened.

With that said, Derrick and Natalie consummated their friendship. Handling her as if she were fine china, Derrick caressed Natalie’s breasts, gently devouring each one until he had his fill. He turned her over and trailed kisses down her spine and rested in the small of her back. The delicate scent of her bath oils aroused his nasal passages and increased his desires. Derrick massaged Natalie’s shoulders and back, precisely hitting each aching muscle. He treated her body with the same meticulous attention he did while working. Natalie cooed and moaned as she enjoyed the sensations of Derrick’s touch. Anxious to reciprocate, Natalie slid from under Derrick and pushed him back onto his heals. She ran her hands over his chest, studying every detail of his chiseled frame. A small scar sat just below Derrick’s rib cage and she kissed it. She trailed the kisses upward to his taut nipples and sucked them.

“Oh…damn Nat…that feels so good.” Derrick moaned as the warmth of Natalie’s mouth inflicted intense pleasure.

He held her head to his chest as she continued to kiss and suck him into loud, breathy moans. Derrick cupped Natalie’s butt, pulling her into him and eased her backward onto the bed. They completely removed each other’s clothes and Derrick teased and caressed Natalie’s pelvic bones. She giggled and tried to move, but Derrick was enjoying the sound of her laughter. Slowly, he moved his head downward and inched his way between her thighs. Derrick rested on Natalie’s thigh and used his hand to stimulate her tender folds of moistened flesh.

Rendezvous Part 13

2006-06-30T18:25:00.000-05:00

Hours later, Derrick checked in on Natalie who was now sleeping. “Works every time,” he whispered to himself and turned off the lights.

“Don’t leave,” Natalie groaned. “Can you sit with me?”

“Huh?” Derrick startled. “I thought you were sleeping?”

“I was, but I felt the lights go out. I haven’t slept with them off since…” Natalie’s voice trailed.

Derrick walked to the bed and laid down on top of the sheets. The warmth of Natalie’s body surrounded him and he inhaled the light scent of her bath oils. A surge of uncontrollable emotions raced through him and he hoped the threatening erection he was feeling wouldn’t be noticeable. Natalie snuggled against Derrick’s chest and let out a heavy breath. Natalie’s closeness felt like the gauntlet being laid and the battle was in place. For several very stressful minutes, Derrick fought unsuccessfully to suppress his desires, until he excused himself.

“I’m sorry Nat, I can’t be here right now.” Derrick walked toward the door. “I…I’ll be back, but for now I just ca…can’t…sta…”

“Come to me Derrick,” Natalie cut him off. “I need you to be here,” her voice cracked with longing and pain.

Like a lamb to the slaughter, Derrick’s feet betrayed him and he walked back to the bed. Natalie eased back the sheets.

“Are you sure?” Derrick asked, full of trepidation.

“Yes,” she whispered. “Though it may not seem like it, I’m completely lucid.”

Derrick wrapped his arms around Natalie and held her close. Natalie pressed her body hard into his and looked up at his face. She could see the confusion and wonder in his eyes though he averted full eye contact. Natalie touched Derrick’s cheek forcing him to look at her. Their eyes locked and their mouths played dodge and tease until their lips finally touched.

Like a power surge, Derrick felt every ounce of suppressed emotion rise from the abyss of his inner being. His hands reached out and caressed Natalie’s face as they continued to kiss. Gentle moans freed themselves from Derrick’s mouth unable to contain the intensity of his feelings. Natalie pulled him on top of her and looked deep into his eyes, searching for and owning everything he felt. She traced his face with hers and ran her fingers up and down his spine.

Rendezvous Part 12

2006-03-13T08:12:00.000-05:00

Derrick knocked on the door and waited.

“Come in,” Natalie sniffed. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to alarm you. I’m okay,” she lied unconvincingly.

“You don’t sound alright. Can I get you some tea or a brandy? Something to calm you?” Derrick sat at the vanity.

“No. I’ll be okay. I guess it’s all starting to really sink in,” Natalie confessed. “While you were away, I seemed to handle this so much better.” Derrick gave Natalie a confused look. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean it the way it sounded.” Natalie eased to the edge of the bed.

“You miss him Nat. It’s understandable. You’re supposed to miss him,” Derrick stated sympathetically.

“You being here is great because nothing about you reminds me of home, but knowing you’re near, yet still at a distance is hard,” Natalie wiped away a threatening tear away.

Derrick said nothing and watched Natalie try to reconcile her thoughts and feelings. And then it dawned on him. Natalie was used to sleeping with someone — Lloyd. She was used to a man being around her in an intimate way, but the two of them were just friends. Derrick had developed intimate feelings for her and while he wouldn’t call it love, there was definitely an attraction. Derrick felt his defenses rise and he stood up.

“I’ll make you some tea.” Derrick quickly retreated from the room. Fortunately, Natalie didn’t notice his sudden change in demeanor.

Natalie crawled under the sheets and mindlessly surfed the channels until Derrick returned.

“Here you go. It’s chamomile infused with lavender. It’s supposed to soothe and relax you; Mother swears by it,” he placed the cup on the night table. “I’ve got to call home. I’ll check on you in a bit.”

Rendezvous Part 11

2006-03-09T13:47:00.001-05:00

The time between the trial and Natalie going to Philadelphia passed like frozen molasses. The case was long and Derrick's time on the stand was extraneous. Testimony after testimony felt like a never-ending script and he was happy when it was over. The only reprieve Derrick had was spending time with his children. The faux family interactions drained him more than the case did, but he played his role as husband as required. He couldn’t wait to leave for Philadelphia though it would be another week. To Derrick’s dismay, his anticipated trip was delayed, and Natalie had already returned home. Their conversation bordered on terminal when she called to say she had to go back home and it was a few months before the two spoke regularly again.

Natalie let her work consume her days and even nights as a means of dealing with her grief. But after passing out at her desk, it was recommended that she take some time off again. With counseling and a retreat at a private spa, Natalie was able to reconcile her feelings toward loosing Lloyd. Though her being home wouldn’t have prevented Lloyd’s death, she felt that had she been home, she would have at least seen him at the hospital before he passed. Derrick’s friendship, support, and understanding had been paramount in her recovery once she’d checked in to see how he was doing and to update him on her life. An opportunity for her to return to Philadelphia presented itself when she was offered a chance to perform a series of lectures at the University of Penn for the Medical Sciences department and she called Derrick to see if the house was available. Fortunately for her it was and this time Derrick would be able to join her during the second week of her trip.

Natalie didn’t seem to mind being in the house alone and it wasn’t until Derrick arrived that she even noticed how solitary she’d been. Derrick took Natalie out for a tour of Philadelphia that was less touristy and took her to Atlantic City and New York. The days passed with ease, but a couple of times at night Derrick could hear Natalie weeping in her room. He’d chosen to let her reach out when she was ready, but this particular night seemed unusually rough for her.

Rendevous Part 10

2006-02-28T08:02:00.000-05:00

“He died at the hospital in spite of their efforts," Natalie stated in a sterile tone. " He was already paralyzed at the scene so he couldn’t feel his pain,” Natalie detailed. “I’m happy for that,” she added. “The funeral will be next week. Can you make it?”

“Make it?” Derrick thought as he looked at the calendar. “Shit! Why would she even want me there?” He thought to himself. “I’m afraid I can’t. I have court all next week. I’m sorry Nat, you know I would,” regret etched his tone. “But I…”

“It’s okay. I do understand. It’s not like you knew him anyway, but I…I’d…I’d just like to see and be around someone who wasn’t going to remind me of him in some way you know?” Natalie was on the verge of tears and her voice cracked under the weight. “I…I gotta go,” Natalie said feebly.

“Wait! Natalie?” Derrick heard her pause. “The family has a townhouse in Philadelphia, Society Hill section if you need to get away after the funeral. I can email the address to you and I’ll overnight the key to you if you give me your home address. Deal?”

As much as Natalie wanted to say no she couldn’t. Time away was something she’d absolutely need. She refused to stay at the home she shared with Lloyd and having her mother and sister fuss over her would make her feel bad too. Dorothy would take care of the business affairs and settle with the insurance company. She’d already been granted a leave of absence from work, so there was no need to turn down such a generous offer.

“I’ll join you after the case if you want the company?” Derrick went on before Natalie replied.

“Okay, I’ll do it,” she said finally. “Do you have a pen? I’ll give you the address now.”

Natalie rattled off the address and ended the call. She still had to meet with the funeral director and Dorothy. Derrick checked the time after he wrote down the address and sent his secretary to FedEx. He had less than half an hour to get home before the twins arrived.

The funeral was attended by hundreds of people and the settling of Lloyd’s affairs was grueling. Natalie was a beneficiary on two policies and to Dorothy’s dismay; Natalie remained a stakeholder in Lloyd’s business, though she chose to be a silent partner and allow Lloyd’s general manager the role of running the shops. Dorothy would remain chief counsel and would oversee the books periodically to ensure the business remained profitable or it would be sold. It took a few more weeks to completely settle the affairs before Natalie was able to leave and she couldn’t wait to go and looked forward to the solitude to give herself time to regroup and restructure her life. Natalie had called to say she’d arrived and found the accommodations to her liking.

Rendezvous Part 9

2006-02-21T12:16:00.000-05:00

Derrick took a cab back to his hotel and tried to imagine what Natalie must have been going through. Death was a frequent companion in both their lives, but when it was personal the emotions typically hid, surfaced ten fold. Derrick thought about his own relationship. He wondered how he would react to the news of his wife’s death and it saddened him because their marriage was and had been six feet under for years now. He shrugged off the thought and looked at his watch. There wasn’t much time left for him in town and while he didn’t want to leave Natalie at a time like this, he had to get back home. The cab dropped him off at the hotel and Derrick went about getting his bag packed, making contact with the professor, and ordered breakfast in; he wasn’t up for the company of strangers and his mind was still on Natalie. The time passed and the front desk called to say the airport shuttle service was on its way. With little time left, Derrick decided he needed to touch base with Natalie one last time.

“Hey Natalie, it’s Derrick,” he paused. “I’m about to head to the airport and I’ll be on the 10:20 flight with American. I’ll leave my phone on for as long as I can. Hope you’re feeling a little better and I hope to hear from you soon.” Derrick figured she was still at the hospital. He knew death required a lot of paperwork.

When Derrick landed, he called home, but decided to go straight to the lab and drop off the files he’d gathered. The twins wouldn’t be home until 3:30 and he’d be home by then. Seeing his wife wasn’t something he was up for; not that she’d pay much attention to his presence anyway. Derrick wanted nothing more than to feel the warmth of compassion, but home was not where he was going to find it, so he buried himself in the warmth of a death he had something in common with.

Two hours later Natalie called.

“CSU. Parker speaking.” Derrick’s tone, sterile and professional.

“Hey you,” Natalie said softly. “I got your message. I’m glad you made it back safely.”

“Hey Natalie,” Derrick smiled, “good to hear from you. How you holding up?” He asked gently.

A deep sigh preceded her voice. “As best I can I suppose. A harness broke and pinned him to the wall,” Natalie was purposely not saying Lloyd’s name in order to stay detached enough to fill Derrick in.

Derrick ran his hand over his head. “I’m sorry,” was all he could say. There was nothing else he could say even though his scientific mind was screaming out questions.

Rendezvous Part 8

2006-02-07T08:52:00.000-05:00

Natalie glanced over at Derrick. “Nervous?” Her voice broke his thoughts.

“A little,” Derrick admitted.

“Don’t be. They won’t bite. I’ve told them all about you”, Natalie revealed as if knowing Derrick’s thoughts. “They’re not judgmental. Well, Dorothy is, but that’s not for me to worry about right now." Derrick gave Natalie a quizzical look. “Dorothy's Lloyd’s sister. We’ve never really gotten along and she’s the attorney for L…” Natalie stopped and the tears fell.

“It’s okay,” Derrick reassured. “I’m a big boy and I can handle the scrutiny”. Derrick patted Natalie’s thigh. Nothing more was said.

Derrick pulled into the hospital parking lot and turned the car off. He got and walked around to let Natalie out. He opened the door and she paused before exiting.

“I’d say it’s gonna be alright, but that’s not really true is it?” He rhetorically asked. “I’ll walk you to the door and you can decide what you want me to do from there,” he added.

Derrick wrapped his arm around Natalie’s shoulder as a pillar of support and encouraged her weakening steps as they entered the doors. With a firm, yet tender squeeze, Derrick forced her to ask for Dr. Goldman who’d been the attending ER physician when Lloyd was brought in. She was directed to an adjoining wing and Derrick continued to guide her way. Natalie saw Lloyd’s parents sitting down with Dorothy talking to a nurse. Her sister was in the room also. A small sigh of relief escaped Natalie’s mouth.

“I’ll delay my trip home if you need me to,” Derrick’s voice was barely above a whisper.

“No, your case needs you. Call me before you leave though. Please.” Tears flowed again.

“Of course,” Derrick reassured as he kissed her cheek. “Take care Nat.”

Natalie waved and entered the waiting room.

Rendezvous Part 7

2006-02-06T14:59:00.000-05:00

“Oh God! No!” Natalie screamed, tears streaming down her face. “What happened? How? Oh my God,” Natalie collapsed onto the floor.

Derrick ran to comfort her. “What happened?”

“Its…it’s Lloyd,” she struggled. “He…he’s been in an acc…he…he’s dead.” Natalie choked on her tears.

“Oh Natalie, I’m so sorry,” Derrick tried to console. “Let it out. Just let it out.” Derrick rocked Natalie in his arms. His heart ached for her and he carried her to the bed. “Do you want me to drive you back?” Derrick’s tone wreaked compassion.

“Yes. No…I don’t know,” confusion captured Natalie’s mind.

“Where are your keys? I can drive you,” Derrick repeated. “Is there someone you want me to call? I’m sure someone will be expecting you,” Derrick suddenly a feeling of dread came over him.

Natalie tried to think of what to do. Going to the hospital was the right thing to do, but she couldn’t. She didn’t want to go there and see the shell of what used to be Lloyd.

“Nat, I think you should let me drive you back. I can get directions to the hospital and take you there,” Derrick had to think in spite of himself. He knew how things would look, but he couldn’t care about appearances. Natalie needed to get to the hospital or things would look a lot worse.

No answer. Natalie cried until she fell asleep in Derrick’s arms. Her cell phone rang relentlessly, but he didn’t answer it. She couldn’t deal with all the questions; the sympathies, all she wanted was for the news not to be true. Natalie woke up about thirty minutes later from a fitful slumber and Derrick told her she had several missed calls. Not wanting to hear the messages, Natalie handed Derrick her phone and asked him to listen to them for her. Derrick did as he was asked, wrote down the names and messages, and handed the paper to her. Tears rained down again and Derrick laid back down cradling her against his huge frame.

“I have to take you back Nat. This'll look really bad if I don’t and you don’t need people making negative assumptions. This will be hard enough for you,” Derrick rationalized.

Derrick eased his body from Natalie’s and sat on the edge of the bed wondering what to do next. He took a shower, changed, and waited for Natalie to compose herself as best she could. Derrick emerged from the bathroom in jeans and a sweater ready to drive Natalie to the hospital.

Derrick sat beside Natalie. “Are your keys in your purse?” Natalie nodded. “Okay, I’ll drive you to the hospital and then take a cab back ,” Derrick spoke slowly and clearly. Natalie nodded again. “Let me get you a warm towel for your face”. Derrick went to the bathroom. “Here you go,” he handed her the towel.

“Thank you,” Natalie handed the towel back. “I’m ready”. She smiled unconvincingly.

Derrick asked the desk clerk for directions and drove Natalie to the hospital. The ride was in complete silence save for the sounds coming from the slightly muted radio. As they approached the hospital, Derrick’s mind raced as he wondered what lay ahead for Natalie. He knew she had a close family and was in good keeping with Lloyd’s, but the image of her arriving with a seemingly unknown man? He knew that his name had come up in conversation but to see him in person could easily change the scope of things.

Rendezvous Part 6

2006-02-01T07:22:00.000-05:00

Derrick arrived on schedule, took the shuttle to the hotel, showered, and checked in with Professor Robertson to confirm their plans. Professor Robertson’s assistant picked up Derrick in the morning and Derrick and the Professor worked closely on the details for the case for two days until near exhaustion. Derrick was used to functioning off minimal sleep, but he’d already pushed himself to the edge prior to the trip and was in dire need of a nap. If not for Natalie’s call to reconfirm their meeting time as she thought she might be a little late, Derrick might have missed dinner all together. Derrick rushed to take a long hot shower and get ready.

Derrick took a cab to the restaurant and waited at the bar for Natalie’s arrival. Anxiety was getting the best of Derrick as he waited for Natalie. As he toyed with the glass on the bar, Derrick spilled the remainder of his drink when Natalie approached him.

“Shit!” Derrick fumed, as the bartender casually wiped up the liquid. “Hi. I’m sorry about that,” Derrick stood up. “How are you?” Derrick hugged Natalie.

“I didn’t mean to startle you,” Natalie returned, and wrapped her arms tight around Derrick.

“It’s okay. Table’s ready when you are,” they broke their embrace.

“Okay. Been waiting long?”

“Not really; although, if not for your call, I might’ve still be sleeping. This case is gonna be the death of me; no pun intended,” Derrick confessed while they were taken to their table.

“Well, let’s not talk shop for now,” Natalie said sweetly. “Let’s try to keep it relaxed and catch up on things.”

“I’m game for that.”

Derrick and Natalie ordered wine and their meals, and spend the next two hours talking about everything including work, though they said they wouldn’t. The casual ease between them displaced the previous lack of communication. For the first time in a long time, Derrick felt relaxed and comfortable. He didn’t feel like he needed to caution everything he said for fear of fallout or hostility. The more Derrick relaxed, the more his guard came down. After dinner, Derrick and Natalie decided to return to Derrick’s hotel to share a little more time and for Derrick to run a few of his findings from the case by Natalie. They went through the minutia and concluded the information with some new insight, which made Derrick very happy.

It had gotten quite late and Derrick didn’t want to cause any problems for Natalie at home and prompted her to call it a night. Natalie went to call Lloyd, but was interrupted by an incoming call.

Rendezvous Part 5

2006-01-31T07:41:00.000-05:00

A few weeks later, Natalie was going through her purse, she came across Derrick’s business card and decided to send an email. The content was pretty generic asking how he’d been, what he was working on, and what she’d been up to since the conference. Soon thereafter, Natalie received a reply and their communication grew. They began to confer a few times a week discussing work and on occasion their home lives. When the opportunity presented itself, they spoke on the phone and it was during one of those conversations Natalie became a sounding board for some of Derrick’s home issues. Derrick helped Natalie with some work problems and helped her prepare for her promotion interview. Just when the two were enjoying their communication, it was cut short when Derrick was assigned to help with a gruesome case, which took up almost all of his time and it was almost a month before Natalie heard from Derrick again. It wasn’t until Derrick was up late one night and received an email that he realized how much he’d missed talking to her. He replied, but it was days before he was able to hear from her again due to his schedule. Luck couldn’t have been any more on Derrick’s side when he received a call from his boss informing him that he had to take a trip to Natalie’s home state to meet with a noted Professor of Entomology at the College of Scientific Medicine.

“Natalie, it’s Derrick. I just found out that I’ll be in Dallas in two days and was wondering if you’d be free for dinner when my work is done? Well, that’s if you and Lloyd don’t have plans already, I realize it’s short notice,” Derrick paused. "Well, call me back when you get this message," clicked end and put it on his desk as he gathered his papers for the trip.

Derrick raced home to pack and catch the evening flight. He’d already spoken with his children to let them know he’d be traveling again. Naturally they were disappointed, but knew it was a part of his job. His wife took the information with her usual nonchalance and had a bag prepared for him when he arrived at home. Derrick had enough time to spend an hour with the twins and promised them a trip to Water World upon his return in addition to souvenirs from Texas.

As Derrick entered the awaiting chauffeured car, his cell rang. It was Natalie. He smiled and lifted the privacy guard between he and the driver.

“Hey there,” Derrick chirped. “Get my message?”

Natalie felt Derrick’s energy and smiled. “Yes, I did. That’s great news. What time do you get in?”

“9:50”

“Where are they putting you up? Somewhere good I’d hope?” Natalie teased.

“At the Doubletree. I love those cookies,” Derrick laughed.

“Yeah, they are some good cookies,” Natalie agreed. “Listen, I won’t keep you, but I wanted to say I can take you up on your offer for dinner.”

Derrick mouthed “yes” and smiled brightly. He was hoping her schedule would allow for a little time to see each other. “Lloyd’s okay with you being out with me right? I’m not trying to cause problems,” Derrick cautioned.

“Yes, of course. He knows all about you. He would have joined us, but has to work late on a special detailing job. He gets his hands dirty sometimes,” Natalie joked.

As much as Derrick didn’t mind the idea of Lloyd joining them, he was glad he wasn’t. Natalie was the closest Derrick had gotten to letting his guard down and being intimate with a woman; and he’d rather have her time and attention all to himself even if it were only platonic between them.

Rendezvous Part 4

2006-01-26T10:24:00.000-05:00

“Sorry about that,” Natalie sat back down. “Kind of a habit,” she explained.

“No problem. I understand,” Derrick suppressed his malaise. “It’s getting late,” Derrick looked at his watch. “I hope you’re not staying up on my account?”

“No, not at all,” Natalie quickly replied. “I’m enjoying your company and picking your brain. You’re a wealth of knowledge,” she complimented.

Derrick blushed. “That’s a one eighty, from what you originally thought of me,” Derrick grinned.

“What can I say, you’ve proven me wrong.”

“Glad to hear that. Maybe now you’ll wanna be a part of my group tomorrow,” Derrick implied.

“I think I’d enjoy that actually. I could learn a lot from you.”

And that was the beginning of things to come. Natalie participated in Derrick’s group and learned a lot of career enhancing tricks of the trade from him. For the remaining two days, Natalie and Derrick met at the end of the day to review notes, discuss the day’s events, and relax in each other’s company. Derrick finally let down his guard and told Natalie about the conditions of his home life and why a divorce would be near impossible. He explained his relationship with his family and how hard it would be for him to turn his back on everything he’s worked so hard for. Natalie felt an unexpected closeness to Derrick and at the end of the conference, found it a little difficult to want to leave. They’d shared nothing intimate other than Derrick’s home life, but yet there was still a connection that was more than work related. Derrick suppressed his desire to get to know Natalie on a personal level and was content with accepting her card to share shoptalk when the times called for it.

“Well Natalie,” Derrick extended his hand, “it’s been a real pleasure meeting and working with you. Knock ‘em dead when you get back home.”

Instead of receiving Derrick’s hand, Natalie hugged him, catching Derrick completely off guard. After getting over the initial shock, Derrick reciprocated the hug before Natalie could sense his reluctance.

“Handshakes for acquaintances, I’d like to think we’re a little more than that now,” Natalie said in a near whisper.

“Uh, sure,” Derrick hesitantly answered. “I guess we are,” Derrick felt himself get lost in Natalie’s eyes.

“Good,” Natalie beamed. “Have a safe flight home and we’ll be in touch.”

“Y-yeah…Okay…you too,” Derrick stuttered.

Derrick and Natalie parted ways.

Rendezvous Part 3

2006-01-25T08:26:00.000-05:00

Natalie blushed and looked away. She felt terrible for prying and bringing up an obviously painful subject. She looked at Derrick’s hand and noticed no signs of a ring, but many in their profession didn’t wear jewelry for risk of contamination or injury. Derrick sipped his drink and looked around the lobby.

“I’m sorry Derrick. I feel bad for being nosy,” Natalie softly touched the back of Derrick’s hand.

The warmth of Natalie’s touch ran through him. He missed being touched, held, or even feeling loved. His wife was almost void of emotions in terms of their intimacy unless it was to front for the children and family. Derrick wanted out, but knew it would be a tough and very expensive fight. To make matters worse, neither of their families would condone a divorce. Coming from old money didn’t allow for such privileges especially when children were involved.

“It’s okay,” Derrick said in a near whisper. “Not your fault. Hopefully your life isn’t filled with such issues?”

Natalie couldn’t mask her smile. Lloyd was a great guy. He owned a detailing company, which turned a profit every quarter. He’d branched out and set up two additional stores out of state. One is another part of the state and the other out of state. He’d just completed an expansion of the original storefront to accommodate his booming business. They’d met when she was adding new features to her car and in spite of their very different backgrounds; they hit it off very well. Lloyd was not intimidated by Natalie’s career or ambition. Their lives balanced in practically every way.

“I have to admit that my personal life is actually healthy. My boyfriend and I have been together for about three years now and things are pretty good,” her smile grew.

Derrick smiled back. “Don’t be ashamed of that; its’ a good thing to have someone you can be close to and close with. I’ve almost forgotten what that’s like,” Derrick made a face. “Anyway, let’s change the subject to something more interesting. Say, the new enhancement cameras we’ll be using soon,” he chuckled.

Natalie was curious, but didn’t want to make Derrick uncomfortable again, so she went with the change. They talked shop, traded college stories, and anything that didn’t have to do with their emotional lives. It was almost 11 o’ clock when Natalie’s cell rang and interrupted their conversation.

“Excuse me,” Natalie stood up, “I need to take this call”.

Natalie walked away, but it was obvious that she was speaking with Lloyd. Derrick watched Natalie’s body language and smiled and could see she was into the conversation. For a brief moment he lived vicariously through her although it was almost too much for Derrick to bear, especially knowing that in spite of his respect for her relationship, he found himself too taken with her to wait out her call. After a few minutes, Natalie turned to Derrick and raised her index finger indicating that he should wait. Reluctantly Derrick obliged the silent request.

Rendezvous Part 2

2006-01-24T05:34:00.000-05:00

“Well, Natalie,” Derrick began, “I’ve earned the right to feel a little superior. I graduated second in my class in high school while taking college classes at the local community college. In addition, I completed college in two years instead of four, earned my Masters in less than two years, and have almost completed my PhD.” Derrick paused. “So, if that’s offensive to you, I can apologize, though I don’t think it’s necessary. I’m a man of action and achievement. I see nothing wrong with that,” he concluded.

Natalie was speechless. She wished she’d simply Googled the information instead of having to hear it flow so eloquently out his mouth. Natalie felt slightly embarrassed; however, not enough to make her concede completely.

“Oh! Then I suppose you’re not as unnecessarily arrogant as I initially thought,” she smiled content in making a backhanded compliment.” Derrick laughed noting her comeuppance. “Well, I guess you’re right,” was all Natalie could manage at the moment. Derrick’s once noted personality flaw now seemed a little more understandable. “I guess I should be the one apologizing then,” she added, “though I’m not going to. You know what they say about first impressions?” She smirked. "Although I am rather impressed with your academic excellence and ability to juggle so many things at once. And I thought only woman could multi task so well," Natalie chuckled.

"Academics came easy for me and I think I chose this profession as a means of challenge to myself," Derrick smiled. “And as for first impressions, and they’re sometimes wrong.” Derrick leaned forward, “and no, it’s not necessary to apologize; I’m actually happy you challenged it and me,” he admitted.

“Oh? Why’s that?”

“Well, even though we’re in 2005, there are still many who think I’m a recipient of AA or have been given some kind of preferential treatment. Like my father and grandfather, I’ve earned everything I’ve gotten in life and intend to live up to that tradition…at least some of it. Some things should be,” Derrick withdrew, “nevermind”.

Natalie caught the dismissal and it naturally peaked her curiosity. “Why did you stop abruptly?” Natalie asked in a forthright manner.

“Nothing. Don’t worry about it,” Derrick downplayed his comment.

“What were you going to say? Really.” Natalie probed.

Derrick became uncomfortable. He didn’t want to bring up his personal life. He was enjoying his time away from home and away from his wife even though he missed the twins. Derrick tried to regroup to deflect the attention, but he knew Natalie wasn’t going to give up easily.

“I guess beating around the bush isn’t going to fly with you,” Natalie shook her head, “so I’ll tell you,” Derrick sighed. “I’m the product of a terrible home life. Like my mother, I remain in a marriage for all the wrong reasons,” Derrick paused. “Tradition. And it’s killing me. It’s great for my kids, but terrible for me,” Derrick painfully admitted.

Rendezvous Part 1

2006-01-23T08:47:00.000-05:00

“Meeeee aaaand, Mr. Mr. P, Mr. P, Mr. P, Mr. P; we got a thing going on. We both know that it’s wrong, but it’s much too late to turn back now.” Natalie sung as she dressed for her bimonthly engagement with Derrick, whom she had a committed understanding in effect for going on four years now.

Natalie; happily attached at the time, and Derrick unhappily married, met at a Forensics Conference in Tennessee. Natalie was not impressed with Derrick’s arrogance and avoided him whenever possible while Derrick on the other hand, was completely taken with Natalie’s intelligence, strong, yet disarming demeanor, and of course her looks. Standing a stunning five foot nine, about one hundred and fifty pounds, of athletic build was more than appealing for Derrick who looked every bit the football player he used to be. His large frame and dark complexion gave him a very imposing presence, though he was really a big softy. Natalie was yet to see that side of him

Over the next couple of days, Natalie saw past Derrick’s arrogance after realizing how very talented he was. Derrick’s ability to create mental images and sketch them out was what landed him head of his classes in college and beyond. He possessed an almost supernatural ability to become a part of the crime scene and present scenarios that surpassed the obvious. By the end of the third day, she was anxious to have a meeting of the minds with him. Derrick was very receptive to the idea.

“So, how is it being the assistant head of a CSU at such a young age?” Natalie inquired.

“Naturally, it’s great, but it’s not without its problems,” Derrick replied, although he wished they weren’t talking shop.

“Care to elaborate?”

“Sure. But may I ask you something first?”

“Yes.” Natalie quickly replied, but regretted it as soon as the word came out.

“Why were you so mean to me days one and two? Am I that offensive?” Derrick’s tone was soft.

Natalie thought before answering this time. She knew she’d probably never see him again after the seminar, so she didn’t mind being a little insulting if necessary.

“Well, you have to admit you’re very arrogant and that in itself is enough reason to pull away from you,” Natalie confessed. “Also, you seemed to dominate everything and everyone around you,” she went on.

Derrick removed his jacket and relaxed in the seat.